It can be hard to think about the word “good” next to grief. I learned quickly in to my son’s cancer journey there’s isn’t a wrong way or a right way to do some of the most unnatural things on this earth. Losing a child feels like something that shouldn’t happen. Yet it does. So, navigating a life after they are gone is seemingly impossible.
I feel as though a lot of journeys of grief can feel that way. In loss of all different forms. As if it’s something that shouldn’t have happened, you didn’t plan for it. Grief will find us all in this life time, that is a given. Our broken world is filled with it, and if you’re reading this, I can bet you have already felt grief of some sort by now. So, can you grieve.... good?
Grief is up and down, every day a new corner to turn or hill to climb. Every day will be different, but every day you have a choice. You can’t choose your grief, but you can choose how you live it out.
Having a dark day and choosing to feel the sadness and sorrow your journey has brought you, I think is so important in a grief journey. You need to feel that pain to keep moving forward. The key is just not to get stuck there.
I allow myself a moment. A lot of moments right now as I am so new on this journey. I pause so many times a day to feel the pain, to let the tears well in my eyes, and to cry them out. I think of his little face laughing at me, I can see the happiness in his eyes, and I can hear the joy in his squeals. I miss him so much, but I need to feel the pain from those thoughts because after the pain I feel immense happiness for having had him and now having those memories. Feeling the pain is tremendously difficult but it comes with a better outcome.
Like I said, getting out of a dark moment or day is key. Finding the strength to keep moving forward and believing that joy and happiness is just around the corner, has been life changing for me. I go in the dark to feel the pain, but I find the strength to move out of it to the light, my memories and love for Hunter, pull me to the light.
It may possibly be a long life left for those of us that grieve. I believe we’ll experience both sorrow AND joy through it all. That..... is good grief.